To start as you mean to go on, that has been stuck in my head since before the new year bells.
I have been lurking around the fashion blogsphere for a few years now, trying to get the courage to start my very own fashion & lifestyle blog. There have been many reasons preventing me from starting this venture. However in hindsight the biggest thing that was stopping me was myself; I lacked the confidence to go forward as a blogger.
I kept having doubts such as, my lack of height (I am only 5ft3 how could I be tall enough to take the best photos?) and my body weight (I fluctuate between a 8, 10 or 12 depending on the brand and therefore considered myself too fat to model, which I know 100% that I am not, nor is anyone too fat to be a model, this was my thought process when I was younger and putting hurdles in my own way).
These excuses (and weak ones at that!) were just another way for me to procrastinate; because I was too afraid of failure before I even begun. 2017 seemed to be my year for changes and I did not realise it till near the end of it.
End of 2017 I saw myself facing the beginning of 2018 potentially being on my own when my plans fell through. I did not panic as much as I thought I would. When I was younger I used to be filled with the pressures of wanting to pick the best nightclub to be in, who would I kiss at the bells? would my crush be out that night? would he notice me? would the girls I were friends with be there for me? Would I have a wild night and then relay stories to my work mates/other mates that would demonstrate how funny, wild and carefree I am?
Nope. This year I had no crush, no urge to be in amongst it all which inevitably left me feeling more of an outsider the more I tried to fit in with the expected notion of what to do on New Years Eve.
Truth be told, I kind of forgot which day new years fell on! (I tried to arrange a wee work dinner with some of the girls and messaged them all to ask if they want to have ramen on Sunday.. not realising it was the New Years Eve sunday and then had to send another message retracting the plans with absolute embarrassment and ooooooooh my bad!!)
Anyway I digress, I spent the bells in an old hall beside Loch Lomand. This was filled with elderly couples, my mum and her friends; and it was surprisingly a lot of fun. And incredibly heartwarming. To see dozens of elderly couples dancing together, having a laugh and a wee gossip was so cute. And they were all so welcoming and gracious. That is something that I appreciate, especially as I suffer from bad anxiety and can be perceptive (although not always accurately or correctly! Much to my dismay and confusion) to other peoples reactions towards me and who/how I am or come across.
When the wee two man band were singing auld lang syne on the count down to the bells I thought to myself as I was in a circle with everyone smiling around me, with my arms crossed over my body and hands clasping my mum on one side and her friend on the other I thought; this is the kind of atmosphere and place I’d like to be in 40 years from now. Hopefully with a partner by my side happily doing the gay gordons or strip the willow as, like most Scots, I love a good spirited celidh! (As I’ve always said if you don’t leave one with a few bruises on your arms from all the eventful swinging and twirling then you haven’t experienced a proper one!) After I have lived my life talking about what I have tried (and maybe failed) and what I have achieved during that 4 decade period.
This leads me back to my first ever blog post and title; Start as you mean to go on
My first draft of my first ever blog post was on 2nd January; as i have dyslexia am not sure how much I’ll edit. The read through of my second draft happened on the 5th January. And my final read through before I post is happening now on the 10th January.
Why the long gaps between writings? This is my first blog post; I want it to be special, deep and extremely me. Plus I am trying to convey what it means to be dyslexic whilst also remaining professional; the first draft had a lot of punctuation and spelling mistakes or wrong wording used as I was trying to type out my thoughts as they were popping in rather than seeming too rehearsed. The first draft mentioned my cute Crazy Cat Lady 2018 planner my mum got me for christmas and the late time I was writing out the first draft, I’ve decided to take it out as it seemed like a tangent. The second draft needed to be edited cause in the spirit of honesty I wanted to input the feedback I got from my mum on my minor spelling mistakes that I’d overlooked! (Thanks mum!)
I am not entirely sure how long I want my blog posts to be, out of all the bloggers I have looked at over the years I notice that some of them write short little pieces (Aka my favourite blogger Le happy does this AND she writes it in Spanish as well! Love it!) whilst others write insightful length essays that make me feel like I know them better than I know some acquaintances! (Like my other favourite blogger and one that has heavily inspired me to kick my ass into gear and start blogging: The Little Plum). If I could be both of these bloggers meshed together then that would be my ideal blogging style; insightfully inviting AND encourage different languages.
But I am me and as much as I try I can not be anyone but myself; for better or for worse.
I hope I can connect the right images to this blog post because this is just the start: if you like my writings then amazing! Or if you want to follow me cause I will (hopefully) create amazing photography then even better as I am sure the grammar and punctuation nazis will grow tired of my misspelling and sentence structure.
However I am hoping my skills I have learned at my postgraduate course combined with my distinction marks and dissertation winning an award with give me the confidence i need to take the corrections as constructive criticisms and helpful suggestions!
I want to better myself, and I can not do that on my own.
If your like me and want to share ideas, share styles, share stories then please follow me and tell me yours! Who inspired you to first start blogging?
Thanks for reading my wee lovelies.
GET THE LOOK
Jacket : Zara
Hat: Christmas present
Photographer: Michael Knight
Not sure how bloggers usually work with their photographers but my one with my friend Michael was super fun! We ended up getting distracted and went to my first ever vintage glasgow west end vintage shop. And he took a few good photos in their so I wanted to share them with yous as they pretty much sum me up to a T.