Fashion,  Thoughts

Why I have a cinema phobia…

Did you know the Arches have re-opened? Neither did I until 2 weeks ago – they have food carts in there and everything!

Photographer: Laura Griffin 

Edited: Me

GET THE LOOK

Jacket: Primark

(couldn’t find it on the primark website so here is a similar one from BOOHOO here)

Zipper: H&M

(comes in a few different colours, i just liked grey to go with this outfit!)

Crop Top: Zara

(sold out, but another one i would wear for this outfit is from ASOS here)

Jeans: Topshop

(To be honest these are old old Jamie toyshop jeans, they are acid wash skinny and I went into Primark yesterday and they do cheaper high waist skinny that look and feel about the same! Here they are)

Shoes: Zara

(sold out, but similar ones from Zara here)


I was asked to do a pose and when in doubt…. I bring the peace sign out ahaha
I love the lines in this photo! Thanks to the lovely Laura that suggested I sit on this cause i was jut about to walk by this

Within the last 15 years my cinema phobia increases and decreases … it is entirely situational. I never used to have such an aversion to it… and only one moment stuck out as to why I developed one. 

 

You have no idea how comfy these shoes are! And the best thing is they have their platform in them so I appear taller than I am 😀

Well those that voted on my twitter poll wanted to hear about my cinema phobia and here it is; where it all began! Are you ready to get some insight into my sordid past?

No?

Good cause this isn’t that bad ahaha. Its more a bit sad so this is a warning there could be some trigger words or feelings in this. So if you are already in a delicate headspace I would recommend reading this at a later date.

After reading a post by Grace F Victory’s on twitter  I felt she highlighted a good point about triggers. We all have them. And it can open up a whole can of worms. So just in case..

I dont want to make anyone upset I just want to share my story and let you guys know that you are not alone in having these feelings; of anxiety, paranoia, fear, rejection.

So with that in mind here it is;

Ok I need to give some backstory for this to make sense, to paint a picture of it if you will… but with words.

I am a very nervous and anxious person. I over analysis almost every situation I have ever been in. I say almost because there are a few times in my life that I do not think and just do whatever the hell I want – basically being bit of a dick to my friends and family by being completely selfish in the wrong situations! (Being selfish isn’t always a bad thing. It is NECESSARY to put yourself first at times).

My over analysing is probably due to me always missing the mark. Or overlooking something that seemed relatively small but turned into something huge and ends up hurting me later cause I did not see the signs.

I have always had no filter… and while some find it ‘refreshing’ others have found it ‘arrogant’  (Both of these descriptive words have personally been provided by my mum. 😀 ).

And I believe it was because of this I was bullied quite a bit. I mean I HATED my last year in primary school and through out high school.  I would get stared at a lot, made an example of, put down etc etc and it made me incredibly paranoid and nervous, this combined with a difficult home life that was riddled with topic sensitive triggers…

I was(/still am) basically a nervous wreck about 90% of the time!

So scared to say the wrong thing or to come across as too weird or intense (which in all honesty I am… but that is something I’ve learned to accept and actually quite happy about now).

So this resulted in my spending most of my time by myself. In my room reading, in front of the telly watching tv, or doing various forms of embarrassingly geeky activities that makes me incredibly sad (Not sad as in unhappy but sad as in a MASSIVE geek/nerd).

I did have friends throughout my teenage years some good; CJ, PL and SD or some were not so good SB. And sometimes some where both; HB and KT. And there are the ones I still speak to now that I love very much.

Small Awesome Things … Are all Important. This I mean from my wee dyslexic heart!

GET THE LOOK

BOOOHOO Nadia Cord Collar Slim Fit Denim Jacket

 

H&M hooded jacket
Nike Cropped Logo T-Shirt
PRIMARK Light Blue Acid Wash Skinny Jeans
ZARA contrast sneakers


LOVE LOVE LOVE the beaded detail in this denim jacket! It caught my eye a mile off in Primark and give me an 80s vibe that I loved… remember my 80s inspiration from ‘The world is getting smaller …’ post? well here it is! ahaha

By now you must be thinking what does this have to do with my cinema phobia? Well here it comes!

 

I loved this little doorway with its snazzy patterns. And believe it or not but it is right on Jamaica St. in glasgow! I couldn’t believe that i had walked past this numerous times and never even noticed it!

The cinema basically makes me feel trapped and claustrophobic.

I acknowledge that this might be an odd feeling to associate big cinemas with claustrophobia but this is directly linked to an experience I had when I was a teenager.

I went with a group of friends to the cinema to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, as I explained before this is not a ‘normal’ activity for me to do as I am basically a hermit, a friendly hermit once I get talking, but my nerves would always get the better of me and I figured it was safer to keep myself to myself.

Anyways the way it worked out I was in seat that was nearest to the wall. I felt sick for some reason, I think we grabbed food before and I ate something bad or I ate too much? I can not remember how I felt sick exactly, and I absolutely HATE being sick.

I cry, I shake, I convulse! Everyone that knows me and has seen me hungover will know first hand just to what extent I will go too to NOT be sick even if I feel absolutely awful.

I was feeling incredible sick and because the movie was filled with candy and sweets and eating lots of food it was just making me feel worse and worse.

And I remember panicking and thinking of the social ramifications of me being sick all over myself in the cinema. I really wanted this group of friends to like me, and to not be left out again. I wanted to be apart of something, so I wasn’t always alone.

In hindsight I should have just asked people to move more so I could go to the toilet. I did once. But I knew it would be an inconvenience to go again to the people behind me for the whole row to get up so I could go and in my awkward teenage body I did not want to draw any form of attention to myself again.

This should probably be in the Outtake bit I have but … I am a massive geek so think its is a pretty accurate representation of who I am ahahah

So this feeling of claustrophobia in the cinema was born in that moment! Anyone that has any form of phobia that you, yourself know is completely illogical but still can not help will understand where I am coming from! (Please say you are out there!).

Also because I am a very anxious person I get the claustrophobic feeling in social situations in general. I just feel all prickly, embarrassed, for some reason teary and hot.

It is very confusing.

However the older I am getting I understand that it was not the cinema/darkness that I was scared of. It was the said group of friends thinking of me as being bothersome, or difficult to have around and therefore would stop speaking to me. (That is quite a dramatic assumption to get too I know but trust me, when you are young it has happened for lesser reasons than ruining a movie experience for someone or I just did not have very good ‘friends’).

Again this could be attributed to my anxiety and I put myself into such a panic over nothing but when you are battling your own mind it can be very difficult to do.

It is something that I am working on daily and consistently.

I know it is getting better. ^_^ I don’t mind not being by the aisle seat now. Before, whenever I would reluctantly go to the cinema I would feel very sick and HAVE to be on an aisle seat in case I needed to be sick.

Now I only slightly feel sick and can be a few seats away from the aisle – now THAT is improvement!

Do you guys have any ‘unusual’ phobias?

Please share!

thanks for reading my lovelies

When you have doubts… pull them out!
I have do not like my side profile… I think it looks like my nose dominates my face and i have no lips… but hence why I am posting this… it is part of me so what can you do? ahaha

41 Comments

  • Jordanne | Thelifeofaglasgowgirl

    Well done on opening up about your phobia, it can be really hard to write about these things but also therapeutic. Youre doing great with facing your phobia, hopefully one day you wont have the sick feeling at all. I’m loving your pictures for this post, your outfit is beaut.

  • Emma Rollason

    Firstly, I love the denim on denim look you’ve created, especially the ‘small awesome things’ tee and trainers; secondly, thank you for sharing such an open and honest part of yourself, I totally understood where you were/are coming from, I also hate being sick and was the socially awkward kid that didn’t wanna make a fuss and wanted everyone to like me. It has taken me so long to get to where I am today with my social anxiety and although I may seem calm and collected on the outside, my insides are all twisted up, as a performer I’ve learnt how to control my outside to not portray what’s going on inside, I mean its probably not the best solution but for the times I need to not come across as an anxious mess it helps. I’ve also learnt to laugh at my social inadequacies, I’m naturally so clumsy and I do the stupidist things under stress that I would of died of embarrassment before, I’ve learnt to embrace it and accept that’s just who I am. I realise I’ve gone off on a tangent, haha, but I hope so much that each day brings a new strength for you.

    Emma x
    emmarollason.com

  • Eva

    So sorry to hear about your struggle with anxiety. Fellow sufferer here, so I know just how much it sucks. I don’t think it’s at all unusual to associate one bad experience with a particular place or situation thereafter. One of the most difficult parts of dealing with anxiety is having to put yourself back into those uncomfortable situations, to teach yourself you can deal with it. I hope you overcome the phobia, and begin to associate the cinema with something far nicer! x

    whatevawears.co.uk

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    • LucyCreber

      Hey Elijah
      Thank you so much for your compliments! My friend designed this blog herself actually. She has her own instagram and twitter; its wee posty. Hope that helps! 🙂

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      Aww thank you so much Paris! I am posting every Saturday at 7! Am just posting once a week.
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    • LucyCreber

      Yeah I find watching the news can be quite hard… usually too much bad stuff out there. Ahaha makes me want to stick my head in the sand.

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      Aww thank you so much Shelby! I was hoping to help everyone understand what it’s like from the anxiety perspective.

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    • LucyCreber

      Aww Jennell thank you so much for your kind words! I was so worried about posting my cinema anxiety. Feel so grateful at how well received its been!

    • LucyCreber

      Why thank you very much Irwin! 😀 couldn’t have done it without the help of my graphics friend.
      Ahaha mmm I guess the main fertiliser is my own curiosity and self-reflection! I am in my own head a lot and my thoughts tend to go 100 miles an hour!

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      Aww OMG so sorry! Ahaha I’ll talk to my graphics friend and see if there’s anything up with the commenting! Thank you so much for your kind words ☺️

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