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I had a my first appointment with my new PT today. When asked about why I was there and what motivated me to go to the gym, I immediately thought about my perceptions on myself. How utterly low my self worth used to be. However self worth is a balancing act.. between being confident and being arrogant.
I love going to the gym.
I know its not everyones cup of tea/pack of biscuits/type of pizza, but I LOVE it.
I used to struggle going once or twice a week, this was over 5 years ago. I remember coming up with all sorts of excuses; I had no time, it was too expensive, I didn’t know what I was doing, or what to do. With the expansion of the internet those type of excuses just seem a bit procastinate-y and redundant for myself.
Now I go on average 4-5 days a week. I know this won’t be correct for everyone. But I’ve noticed that my own self worth has grown the more I’ve dedicated time and energy to the gym. And therefore in turn to myself.
I like to measure my self worth against past me, now. Ahaha that might sound a bit weird but with all the pressures nowadays to be instagram worthy 24/7 and to be ‘hot’ or look a certain type of way to feel worthy. So to save my sanity I try to admire beautiful people for their beauty but compare my physical and beauty achievements against myself. Everyone’s body is is different and we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
My self worth is without a doubt the highest its ever been now. And even then it still isn’t very high!! ahaha. I have been repeatedly told throughout my life that I need to start thinking better about myself and about my attractive qualities; personality and physically- wise.
And this is were I get worried about coming across as arrogant. How can you say to folk your feeling pretty or sexy without coming across as arrogant or cocky? Is it something you should keep to yourself? But if you’ve thought so lowly about yourself for years and your finally feeling good about you then WHY should you have to keep it to yourself? It’s so rare, for everyone, to have a day or a moment when you look at yourself and be like… yeah you know what? I look good.
To quote Ru Paul;
“If you can’t love yourself how the hell are you going to love somebody else?”
This idea of self worth and loving yourself is so damn hard for a lot of people. My new PT was talking about the connection between mental health and training and how strong that connection is.
For me that is definitely the case. And I know it can be for everyone.
Its taken my 28 years to realise the reason why my relationships haven’t worked out is because I did not think very highly of myself. I allowed myself to get involved with people that were not my type or would treat me badly. And in the end it would never work.
I remember a conversation I had with a long term friend, JS, when he said something that has stuck with me for years. We were chatting about someone I used to see, AM, and how upset I was that it ended. JS said that I always pick guys ‘below’ my level of attractiveness. This made me feel uncomfortable because I don’t like thinking like that in general and because it made me feel so much better!! It is the typical friend response to someone upsetting your friend but it is still a favourite of mine. Does this come across as arrogant to think your a better level of attractiveness then your ex?
In a black and white world, yes. But in my previous post “are we all arrogant?…” I explain how I usually do not view situations like that. I think its a key indicator that you’re moving on when you think that way.
Bear with me in this thought process. When you’re in a relationship and you love them and everything is 100x better. Like the partner your with is thee most beautiful person in the world and you can not imagine being with anyone else and you can not believe someone that great would want to be with someone like you. You guys plan your 2.5 kids, what their names would be, where you would like to get married etc etc
And then they dump you.
Suddenly you’ve lost this ‘amazing’ person and you are devastated.
So when you suddenly realise that this person whom you thought was too attractive for you leaves you. Your self worth takes a massive dive.
So to think/realise your ex is a ‘reacher’ and you were the ‘settler’ (Yes that is a How you Met Your Mother reference. If you do not know what I’m talking about then you HAVE to check out Season 5, episode 13 – ‘Jenkins’) in turn it isn’t arrogant – its survival! However, in general and long term mental health wise thinking this comparative way is probably not the best. But it does feel good at the time!!
JS saying that to me made me feel so uncomfortable because I didn’t agree with him, at the time. I definitely agree with JS now.
This is not just in connection with physically attractiveness – although at the time it definitely was. But now it is about the personality and lifestyle compatibility or different levels.
When I was younger I was going through a lot of stuff that I couldn’t control or get out off on my own. And I know this might sound un-feminist like or victim-y (which I hate sounding like or being like but this is a space for honesty so here it goes!) I wanted someone to save me.
Very embarrassing. Because I know no one can save you but yourself.
I know that now. After several failed relationships, some their fault, most mine.
I always ended up with guys that were homely, they like a wee pint of beer in the pub, have no interest in fashion or have any fashion sense. And they were all technologically challenged or hate social media. They are also incredibly scottish and very proud to be scottish – which is definitely a quality that I love.
But I want to be a digital marketing manager for an international fashion brand. I have this blog, therefore I need someone that may not have the same level as dedication to social media as me but I definitely need someone to understand it. I love the gym, so I would love someone who also loves to train and push themselves.
Whereas before I wanted to adjust myself to whatever my partner at the time wanted me to be. I would never change completely but I would edit parts of myself. Which I feel everyone should do in a relationship – thats called compromise! Just not to the full extent when your putting someone else happiness in place of your own.
The more your self worth increases the least compromises you’re willing to make. And does that make you arrogant?
Everything in life is a balancing act. So knowing your self worth and acknowledging it is amazing and more people should do it. But to do so in a way that makes you better than others or to put others down is arrogant. That is my humble opinion. And I feel like I have waffled a lot this time. But my mind is swirling around with loads of random little topics that I want to talk about but not sure what is appropriate. What is too much information these days?
Thanks for reading my lovelies