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Boots: Raid Footwear
I’ve reviewed my blog posts and damn they are so, so intense! So this combined with having a deep heart to heart with my step mum today has left me feeling emotionally drained and very very tired. I just want a blank slate… To start anew and not be so damn serious all the time.
Looking over my posts you would think that I am this serious, introverted, geeky, nerd. Which to be fair I am to a degree. I am an anxious person and I overthink situations but I am also a massive goofball! I honestly swear I am not all serious talks and no fun times!
Probably why contrasts fascinate me. I feel like I am full of them. I am just a big ball of nerves and anxiety at how I come across to others but also on the flip slide I have no filter for what comes out of my mouth. I tend to just say the first thing that pops into my head that results in ALOT of (sometimes negative) interpretations.
I have been called endearing, refreshing, stupid, funny, ignorant and cute. This is all stemming from my lack of filter and the first thought that my brain seems to attach itself too whenever I am having a conversation with someone. They tend to be quite random and can lead to awkward pauses in conversations whilst people are trying to figure out what the hell I am meaning/said!
I had a whole blog post theme planned out for tomorrow. I wanted to do one on jealousy but after today I just couldn’t face that level of in-depth and intensity it needed from me. This is because me and jealousy have a long term relationship (sorry exes!). Unfortunately. But I’ll save that for another time.
Basically what inspired the change of topic is how intense I am coming across and thats not me… well all of me. The more I read on I realise that my intensity is such a part of my personality that I didn’t even realise I was that type of person!
Am I happy that I am intense? Not really.
Ahaha I would love to be the devil may care person. I dream about being the type of person that when people discover that horrible things have happened to them they are shocked because they come across as so together and happy all the time. But usually when my past/whats happened to me comes up it is usually meet with aha moment! You know like a light bulb going on above the head… in a cartoon.
Oh god … Am getting intense again.
I want to start a blank slate so bad… but like in a previous post I am ‘the only me I can be…’
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After my serious heart to heart with my step mum I called my mum to talk it over. To rationalise it out in my mind. And like I’ve said before my mum is like my best friend, and she honestly has this innate ability to phone me whilst I am on the toilet. No idea why… its like she sense i am away to the toilet and have either left my phone in the other room or don’t want to answer her because… I am in the middle of answering natures call!
Sorry I don’t want to go into what my step mum and I talked about. That is something for another time. If you guys want to hear about it. Cause I don’t want overwhelm yous! Please let me know if my TMI is bordering on waaaay too much.
I feel like this would be a good time to share with you guys my activities I love to do that makes me not only an anxious introvert but also a goofy fun extrovert…
insert think emoji here.
I literally can have a conversation about anything. I have a genuine interest in what other people have to say. And I am incredibly enthusiastic. Which means when I meet new people, they are speaking about random little things and I get incredibly excited about it or I think I’ve come up with a really cool idea (semi) related to the subject they tend to think I am being insincere or sarcastic.
Nope. I am just that easily excited!
I remember this happened once (twice… ok a few times!). When I used to work in Hugo Boss you have to give every customer the personal shopping experience. And I loved dressing up guys that either had no fashion sense or clue what to put together. I would always ask them a million and one questions about their preferences and then assess their frame and face tone. This one guy came in… I feel very bad cause I cant remember his name… and I dressed him head to toe in this stunning boss outfit. He looked very I am Galla or One Dapper Street bloggers, stylish and sleek! I got so excited seeing him in this he automatically assumed I was lying because I got so happy and cheery. I love when guys or girls come to me for fashion advice and I can help them try out new styles or colours that they wouldn’t normally go for and they love it.
Not gonna lie it totally makes my day!
Another thing you guys need to know… well maybe not need to but you really should! I am a serial book worm. I have read over 500 books. And I still love reading to this day. I definitely don’t read enough books as I’d like too.
Whenever I read a book I find it the perfect form of escapism. I feel like I get transported into another world and whenever I stop reading I feel like I am waking up from a dream! Does anyone else feel like that?
Thanks for reading my lovelies