GET THE LOOK
Belt: Primark, old. Similar one here.
This SNTC talk is cheap episode inspired me to right this post… if I have any SNTC fans then no I did not have a lick in the ass experience (recently!) but just the title in general have me thinking.
Talk IS cheap.
I remember saying/thinking that actions speak louder than words. However the reason why talk can be important is that it highlights INTENT. The intention can colour the way the lie is perceived or interpreted. Or perhaps the lie wasn’t intended at all?
Everyone lies. The biggest lie that someone can say is that they don’t lie.
I myself do not LIKE to lie, but I have most definitely lied. In fact no one really LIKES to lie. The ones that do are often expert manipulators or puppeteers that like to watch how their lie shapes the interactions of their group. (I am, in fact, thinking of a character from HIMYM; Lily. Not sure why she’s popped into my head. Ahaha just think she seems appropriate to this topic!).
When you meet first meet someone, like a potential partner, they always say such pretty, flowery things. Like how you are one in a million, like they have never met anyone like you, like how they want to get married and have children with you.
I tend to get these a lot. And they are all lies.
Pretty Little lies.
But lies all the same. I think the intent was sincere at the time. The talk is so big, so promising and has so much potential to be a happily ever after that you want. I feel like the intent is to come across as a sincere ‘good’ guy.
I have had such an awful history with men, and I openly say how I do not trust men. I just don’t. My anxiousness around men or my reluctance/fear comes from numerous different experiences with men. How they have scarred me. It wasn’t just one, two or three big events (even though there are a few ones I’ve struggled with and its taken my over a decade to come to terms with) its all the little ones that have built up over the years.
And in the spirit of honesty I tell my potential partners my stories. I think because I have such an awful history the guys I meet tend to try and overcompensate by playing the ‘hero’.
They therefore tell me pretty lies because they think thats what I want to hear. And of course it IS lovely to hear and get my hopes up.
But then I inevitably end up disappointed.
Like I said before in my ‘feeling fine at 29…’ post I want someone that isn’t going to let me down. I don’t want someone to promise me the whole cake if they don’t even want to help me get the ingredients.
If you guys know what I mean!
I’m not looking for Mr Hero guy to save me.
Cause I can save myself. I’ll have low points where I’m overwhelmed and need a good cry or rant but I’ll be fine. I don’t need solutions, again I cover this in my previous post ‘mini birthday haul..’ I can’t offer solutions to problems because i know better than anyone that sometimes problems just do not have that option! So it isn’t a cause of solving it, but coping with what is happening.
I do not want to drown in half lies or well intended ones. If you can’t handle how intense I and my life can get then tell me. I don’t mind if someone can’t cope with the daily stresses, because If am honest If I didn’t HAVE to deal with it myself then I wouldn’t.
And to be even more honest I don’t deal with them on a daily basis. I am not as involved in the situations as I should be. A part of me feels guilty cause I should take on more responsibility.
But to get back to my point; talk is cheap and actions shout louder and hit home more accurately than all the pretty words.
GET THE LOOK
Another example is my birthday. I had such lovely thoughtful gifts from the amazing people I celebrated with. You know who I didn’t get a gift from?
The guy I was supposedly seeing, who eventually broke up with me after a eurotrip. I hadn’t seen him for 2 weeks and, unfortunately, I had missed him. Which is what annoyed me the most, is that I wasted my time missing him.
I do not like liking someone.
I have not mentioned him before because whenever something starts I don’t want to put it all over my social media until it is solidified.
He had a lot of pretty words for me and I believed them. But his actions shouted so loud I shouldn’t have ignored them, or listened to his excuses.
His intent was probably sincere but they were just empty lies; he wanted to be exclusive, yet he still had tinder on his phone; he said I had to trust him, yet he would let me down; he said he could see himself falling for me, yet dumped me after ‘his holiday made him realise he wanted to be single’.
His actions shouted at how confused he was and I was his rebound girl. I just wished he realised it sooner and not brought me into his rebound process.
For the record, I am not saying that someone on a Eurotrip shouldn’t have fun and be single, definitely not. Its a good experience to have. To experience new cities and different cultures is such a beautiful thing to have.
And its something that you can look back on and laugh or recall; ‘remember the time we went skinny dipping in the ocean with a bunch of german tourists?!?’ (yes that is something I have actually done! It was awesome.. although I only did it for a bout 10 minutes and then had to leave because the theme tune for Jaws got stuck in my head and I freaked out!)
Just don’t go exclusive with someone if thats what your wanting to do! It’s so simple its almost laughable. For me.
I had a feeling this would happen, but my friends and mum kept telling me I needed to give guys the benefit of the doubt and stop looking to the negative all the time!
This time I really tried. Just unlucky I was right, again.
BUT… and this is a BIG but.
I tried! And that is the furthest I’ve ever gotten. Even though I thought what happened would happen I eventually did give him the benefit of the doubt, enough that I missed him.
I did not wrap myself up in my anger at him maybe fucking me over and thinking up what if situations and had faith in him. Yes it was misplaced but I am happy that I can do that! The old me would never have gotten to that stage!
I did regress when I got drunk on my birthday and called him a bazzillion times… which I definitely shouldn’t have done! And got angry when he didn’t pick up. Which is DEFINITELY my bad. No matter what he was doing I shouldn’t have done that! So so bad.
I’m happy that I can get to the stage that I don’t need my anger, it is my first go-to emotion. But I don’t need to set up camp there like I usually do!
Actions speak louder than words and my actions are to keep doing me.
Baby, talk is cheap. But sometimes thats all you’ve got until your actions and hard work back up your talk.
Thank you for reading my lovelies.
I honestly cant think you guys enough for reading my blog posts and sharing your stories with me.
Love you all!