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The above statements are the common phrases or descriptions of ex’s ‘men are dicks’ (which they can be!) and ‘women are psychos’ (which we can be!). BUT I think these phrases are SO overused and under-explained.
That is such a common phrase I’ve heard from guys… ‘my ex is a psycho. FULL STOP.’
And then thats it. (They obviously don’t say the full stop. I just wanted to emphasis it lol).
No explanation. No reason. No backstory. Nothing.
For me, thats just not good enough. I am probably the worst person to say that too because I usually question it. Or ask for details or request a ‘for instance’.
I know that a few of my ex’s have described me as a psycho, and for some, I couldn’t blame them (my jealousy gets really bad guys… like super bad. It is one of the WORST qualities about myself. If I could give anything to make me NOT a jealous person that I totally would.) and others that have said it I just laugh.
When my ex’s have referenced me as a psycho it is usually because of a situation that could have been prevented if they hadn’t been a dick.
I need to make something clear… there ARE plenty of situations and scenarios that DO deserve the labels ‘dick’ and ‘psycho’ for both genders. Believe me, I understand that there are times/people that have gone above and beyond the level of qualifying for that title.
But sometimes these words are overused and under-explained.
And tbh I am very suspicious of any guy that describes their ex’s like that. Especially if there is more than 3 that are all apparently ‘psychos’.
One is a coincidence, twice is bullying and three times is a pattern; this is a saying I got from my recent somewhat not ex ex, the Eurotrip guy (he was mentioned in my previous post ‘ baby, talk is cheap.’) It was something he said to me and I’ll always remember because I rang true in my head. Or in other words I think the same way as well.
And my suspicions are usually two(or three)-fold.
1st thought is what did HE do to HER to evoke that kind of response?
2nd thought (after a thorough explanation) is is he going to be ok?
3rd thought is (if it is more than 3 ex’s) what is his problem?
Although this is a very basic outline of my thought process. Like I said before in my previous posts (‘why I have a cinema phobia…’ and ‘are we all ignorant?”) I never view situations so black and white. But these top 3 thoughts tend to flicker through first.
I think the reason why I am so suspicious about people speaking badly about their ex’s is because of DC. If I still spoke to DC I would probably thank him! I’ve learned through him that if someone is willing to speak so badly about a few folk they used to love then something isn’t quite right; and shows a lack of respect for what they had.
Anyways, He would badger on and on and on about how all his ex’s were psychos or bitches or assholes or whatever name he could think of. He hated them all; apart from one. And that one was the one I did NOT like. But in hindsight? I just hope she has managed to get away from him and doesn’t let him back into her life.
The fact DC had such intense hatred towards his ex’s should made me realise that he probably wasn’t wired correctly (which he definitely isn’t…) but I just put it down to how hurt he was at how he was treated.
I wanted to help him.
But you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves. He projected all his insecurities and faults onto others and wasn’t self aware.
That is such a big, big thing and I am only beginning to realise the importance of it all (Thanks to Gary Vee!) if you aren’t self aware then you will making the same mistakes; aka continuously picking the wrong people. And when it doesn’t work out you end up blaming the other person rather than looking inward and trying to figure out WHY you pick them?
DC suffers from severe narcissism and the world owes-him-something moaniness.
In other words he is a dick. But he is the only ex of mine that I will forever think of as a dick.
He isn’t the only one to fuck me over though.
Men are dicks and women are psychos… I know we all hate to admit but EVERYONE can be those things for a moment or for the situation or for the person.
GET THE LOOK
But just because they have done things or said things doesn’t mean they are tainted by it.
It doesn’t forever mark them with the plague and therefore deemed as ‘untouchables’. Even though sometimes you wish they WOULD be marked that way.
If someone has fucked you over so badly they don’t DESERVE to be happy when your on the sidelines scarred and bruised… broken into so many pieces by what they have done to you.
Do I think that way about DC? In all honesty yeah… but not because DC doesn’t deserve happiness… but because until he figures his own shit out then he’s just going to end up fucking over some other girl or end up killing them. I don’t think he should be with someone for their own safety.
But everyone CAN have the ability to change. They just need to want it enough, be self aware enough and be humble enough to acknowledge that they need to be ACCOUNTABLE.
And in the spirit of accountability; The psycho part of me?
Is the anger and jealousy.
When I really like someone/love someone I get super jealous and super possessive. I get very over analytical about every interaction they have with a perceived risk female. (aka someone that they have slept with/ interested in/checking out).
NO ONE can survive that level of scrutiny and, on another note, no one DESERVES to live under it. I’ve seen what the pressure can do to a person, it can wear them down until they are too afraid to interact with a member of the opposite sex. I saw my father do that to my mum and I am petrified of doing that to someone. Yet I find myself doing it.
My own self awareness is acknowledging the reason WHY I am jealous; it isn’t because of my partner giving me any reason for it, (even though SOME of them have, no girl wants to hear descriptive graphic detail on their previous sexual encounters… NO ONE!) it is because I don’t trust anyone.
It isn’t specific to the person. Because I have meet a lot of lovely guys and friends. It is just in general, I don’t trust anyone.
I know better than anyone that people can pick the smallest reason to hold you accountable for, you apologise (but it isn’t good enough) and they ghost you out of their lives. Both friends and guys have done that to me a few times. That I just go to default mode whenever something happens – I like to be held accountable though because I need to apologise for my behaviour regardless of the outcome – because when am wrong, am wrong!
It still makes me anxious though… very anxious. If I could stop making mistakes then I would, but I am human and I am not perfect. I’ll always make mistakes; but it takes an amazing person to let me be me and understand that I never mean to be a dick.
Has their ever been a time where you’ve had to hold yourself accountable?
Thanks for reading my lovelies!