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Can you have both? Can you have a fulfilling sex life and yet go above and beyond for your career?

 

This is something that I’ve always thought wouldn’t be possible. Of course this is probably because I am a sex addict. That once I start I just do not want to stop. But then again maybe its because I haven’t ever looked forward to going to any of my jobs. 

Bearing in mind I haven’t had a career job yet… or more accurately not had a job I WANTED to have as a career. Every job I have had has a potential to be a career.

Retail and Bar Industry related jobs means never EVER have a weekend free, or at least a weekend free without fighting for it! Therefore I am so happy to have my weekends back (when I worked in an office). 

And now that I am unemployed my focus has shifted to going all out at the gym and researching strategies for my blog.

Well it was… until I got an interview for a job I really, really want on Monday. 

Now focusing on prepping for that. Whoops sorry for the tangent guys! Now back to my post topic; 

A read an article that claimed if you had regular sex then in turn your productivity and morale is significantly higher than that from couple who aren’t having regular sex. 

However this article is on already established couples (i.e married ones) and ones that have been together for a length of time. Whereas what happens if your not in one or just starting out one? Is it possible whilst trying to further your career or trying to start one?

And it doesn’t not go into the dynamic of their relationship are their kids involed? if so how many? And do all the couples have kids or only some? And the ones that do have kids wont that affect their sex life compared to the ones that don’t?

I know that is a lot of questions but I find when I am asking a question, I tend to be lead to other ones. This theory that higher sex life results in higher productivity (in the workplace) is situational. I am not saying it is false, because it obviously has proven effective!

Another article I read talked about how this man gave up dating and sex for a year to self reflect and create his career. 

I liked this one.

I’ve been trying to think of a length of time I want to do the sex/guy detox thing. I’m finding it hard to think of an appropriate length of time… I hadn’t decided on how long I wanted to continue with it. 

A year seems like a good place to start.

He started it at the ending of one and before he began seeking another. I have always been happy being by myself… at times. Everyone has their down time when they like to be alone. I love those times, and I also sometimes hate those times as well. It depends on my mood, my mood determines whether  my alone time is lonely or my alone time is just self care. 

In the past I’ve liked to be in relationships but I have usually ended up being single for most of my datable years. 

This article the guy wrote is very interesting. When you are single and looking you aren’t paying attention to yourself and your purpose. Or the big ‘P’ as the guy wrote. I need to be emphasis on the LOOKING part. Just being single and enjoying your me time can be incredibly beneficial, but if you are single and looking then again the focus isn’t on you, yourself, it is on this other person who at this present moment in time is a question mark. 

Again this is entirely dependant on you as a person, who you are with and the dynamic of your relationship. I have a habit of putting other people first before myself. Or they make me feel bad for wanting to be ‘self indulgent’ (i.e my blog/photoshoots/researching potential content creation). Well tbh this hasn’t happened yet, cause I haven’t had a bf since I started  my blog. But I have been seeing folk (As you guys know with with SA situation and Euro Trip guy blog posts).

Did seeing them get in the way of my potential career? If am honest… Yes.

But being a lifestyle blogger means that not only do I need to be self critical and self motivated but I also need to have a big work/life balance. I need to have a life in order to have something to write about but I also need to spend a lot of time on my own. Or even have time to myself while the other person is chilling.

In all fairness, SA and Eurotrip guy were good at that. There were times I’d see them and say look yeah I do want to spend time with you but I have to edit these photos or write this blog post and they were always supportive.

Do yous like that? Being side by side with your partner but not actually interacting because you are both working. But that you are side by side, maybe touching each other. With one had on your partners leg whiles your scrolling through Pinterest or blogs or photoshoots. I know I’d like that.

I feel like I’ve sacrificed my career for potential relationships. Not because they asked me. But because I felt like I had to give my relationships my all and, if I am brutally honest with myself, because I was scared. I was so, so nervous in basically all of the jobs I’ve had. 

Largely because I was ostracised in most of them…. basically people didn’t like me.  Which is fair enough. Each to their own. If I am not someones type of cake then I am not someones type of cake. No harm, no foul. 

So because I lacked the confidence to stand up for myself or to assert myself forward I never furthered in my job roles. When I know I could do better. 

Having a career to focus on and be proud of it, surrounded by a team of nice, supportive people was always an aspiration of mine that I always wanted to achieve.

 

When you’re too self conscious to put yourself forward for your career and you have others putting you down what do you focus on to make yourself feel better?

 


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For others it was probably your friends, your family, your pet. But I haven’t always had the best of friends. In fact I’ve had some downright shit friends… and I know for a fact I’ve been a shit friend as well! (This honesty shit cuts both ways… I never want anyone to think that I am woe is me get out the small violin and play a said song type of person. Its just facts. Ive had some really shit friends and I’ve been a very shit friend in the past as well.)

Or I understand that the friends I do have, have their own lives and can not be there for me all the time. And I respect that. 

For me it was sex. 

I like to get lost in it… I like the intimacy of it. The satisfaction of doing something amazing for the other person and not getting anything back… because again of fear. I was too afraid to ask. Or too afraid of offending the guy.

Sex used to be a chance for me to escape for how much I did not like myself but then it got to the point where I would feel bad about having the sex. (Slut shaming is awful guys… we are all guilty of doing it… I know I have done it before myself and now I feel awful… that was before when I was young and was narrow minded).

The refocusing on yourself that celibacy has is really intense. 

When you are constantly thinking about your partner and how they are feeling, what they are doing, how they are; yeah it makes you a good bf/gf but if you are starting a career or trying to get to the next level that concern for another person can take away from you pushing yourself. 

Well again… this is entirely situational.

I know that for me I think this celibacy is perfect chance for me to shift the focus and concentrate on myself and how I want to spend my time, have my career. 

I started this blog because I wanted to reach people that were like me and to share my stories and my thoughts (lord knows I’ve got loads of them; Stories from my life experiences and thoughts on what is happening in the world). 

This job that I am going for the interview on Monday is HUGE. I mean massive. It is so big and so important to me that i have butterflies in my belly and my anxiety is going 100 miles an hour. 

I would happily give up sex for a year, to focus on this role. Not because it is something that everyone should do, not even because it makes much sense. But for me and my expectations I feel like it is something I need to do. For me career and sex have always had an imbalance. I am a very all or nothing type of  person, I am slowly learning to balance it out. 

But until I can balance that out, it might be for the best if I keep my avoidance of sex and relationships. 

I have done a poll on instagram and so far 86% of people have said yes to a fulfilling career and sex life. 

One person said “being with the right person and the right job!” and this is totally true. This supports my situational reasoning.

And observing a lot of bloggers that I look up to and admire that are in giving relationships (AKA The Little Plum, Le Happy, Maria Astor to name but a few….) and they have gone from strength to strength.

I feel like if you are struggling to further your career because of this balancing act between that and your partner and your getting stressed or feeling bad… then they just aren’t the right person for you.

Which is very hard to admit. And that is when you need to self reflect and think critically; how much do I really want to do this? Is it worth the ending of this relationship so my partner can get the partner they want or can I help my partner to understand how important this time away is for myself and my career? 

And that is something I know I can not do.

I have never ended a relationship in my life. 

And I don’t have that resilience yet in me to recognise a bad situation to get out of. I can recognise when a situation is bad… just not when to end it!

What do you guys think? Career over sex? Or how do you balance fulfilling your sex/career life? 

(Any and all tips would be appreciated… cause I know I am doing this celibacy thing but man is not having sex/intimacy difficult)

Thanks for reading. 

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