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Necklace: Old. (been looking for stone UK jewellers. Set me some links guys!)

Jacket: Primark, sold out. Similar one here.

Body: Primark

Jeans: Zara

Shoes: Converse


If you are a goal orientated person (i.e about the destination) does that mean that you can not be deviated by life curve balls and change them? (i.e the journey influences the type of end?)

 

I have chopped and changed my mind about this question on and off my entire life. 

When I was younger there was an expectation. It is/was expected to go to university. Not a possibility but a society necessity. 

I feel that is slooooooowly yet surely not becoming the case. This is reflected in the growing entrpenuers that are making their way to the top of their fields out without a strong educational foundation. (i.e Gary Vee, Forever Betty, Dan Lok)(Which is brilliant because the educational system does NOT prepare you for the harsh realities of life.)

I graduated my Masters of Science. One of the tops in my class with a Distinction and my dissertation won an ward for the Best Dissertation Prize out of everyone in my course. 

Has that helped me get my dream graduate job afterwards?

Of course not.

Has it given me the confidence to go forward for jobs I wouldn’t normally apply for? 

Hell yes.

I am not saying that you can only get confidence through qualifications, but for me that was the case. (This is a reflection on my low confidence and not on the important of having a degree to go forward.)

I am Dyslexic so to go for a Third in your Honours Degree, told you would never ever be eligible for a further degree because your grades were so shit to not only GET into a Masters of Science course (which I was very proud of myself for getting into in the first place since my first university lectures told me I wouldn’t get that far) to BULLDOZING over my Third award in my Honours Degree with a Distinction and award in my Masters? 

Indescribable.

I am not ashamed to say I am very proud of myself.

I have been told I sound overconfident but trust me… going through the process of getting my grades I was not confident at all. Many, many sleepless nights happened. Hysterically crying because I doubted myself and my capabilities happened on numerous occasions. 

Was that journey worth the end destination of proving myself wrong? 

Most definitely yes.

However the destination of acquiring my dream job is becoming increasingly distant. 

I think it is important to be both… depending on what it is you wanted to achieve from life and from yourself. 

My dreams are adaptable. It depends on my skill set and capabilities towards obtaining the dreams. This is further supported by an article written by Tony Fahkry called “3 Compelling Reasons Why the Journey Matters More Than the Destination”.

For example; when I was younger I used to want to be an actress (I mean can you imagine me being in the public eye and on TV? I would be a trainwreck. I am every PRs nightmare. I have no filter and I say what I want and I change my mind 101 times a day.)

I told my guidance teacher in High School this is what I wanted to do with my life and I already had steps in place to achieve it (I was in a dance/singing/acting troupe. I had been to a few Theatre groups and performed in plays. So I was ok.)

I remember she told me I wouldn’t get any work because of how I look. My ethnicity would limit me.  

That there weren’t a lot of asian roles out their for me to play and it wold be a waste of my time. 

And I gave up on that destination. 

When I tell people this story they are outraged by what my teacher had said, and to be frank when I looked back on that time I used to be too. I used to be so annoyed, and angry and put down by what she said.

“How dare she say that to me” or “Because of her I never got to realise my dream”

But now that I am older and I am more self aware, I realised that I didn’t have the resolve to be an actor/actress. To have one trusted person tell me I couldn’t do it and I went with it? That just shows to me that I didn’t have the tenacity to be one. 

In everything in life you need to pick and choose your battles. You need to ask yourself how much do you want something? Sometimes dreams are unattainable for whatever reason, in which case choose something that is similar or as Gary Vee would say side hustle to provide for yourself UNTIL you can make your dream a reality. 

I am I a destination or journey person? I am both. I would love to end up in my destination I have created for myself. But the journey can be so much fun and insightful. 


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I have not had a job for nearly a month now. Have I felt disheartened by it?

Yes.

Worthless?

Yes.

Lost?

Yep. Felt that too.

None more so than when I didn’t get the job I KNOW 100% I can do and do it with passion and devote my life to it.

(If you follow me on any of my social media then I have been very vocal about how much I wanted this job, how long I had prepped for it and how excited I was to potentially get it…)

But as my mum and all my wonderful friends tell me it isn’t meant to be and it obviously wasn’t the right time or role for me. 

Everything happens for a reason. A cliched line for sure, but this can be a handy thought to have when life just shits all over you and your trying to keep yourself above the crapper. 

I actually broke down crying the other day when I was on the phone to my mum because I just felt so… degraded. But even that wasn’t the write word… it was an overwhelming emotion. 

It was like a built up of all the hours researching the company, their social media, reading their engagement and their policies and all the nervous energy had accumulated into this big huge sense of disappointment. 

I felt crushed. 

I say that but it wasn’t solely because I didn’t get that job it was also because of the pressure of achieving that destination. 

My dream destination: of having a career job in something that I am good at, (marketing/social media), and to make a difference (the job was for a charity.). 

I wanted it so badly and I could envision myself in it to the point where I didn’t see any other options for me. 

Now that level of destination focus CAN be brilliant. I am not saying that anyone that is that focused is wrong… far from it. That destination was very dependant of factors outside of myself so to put that amount of focus on it and to build a future around that variable…. just wasn’t practical.

Although there comes a time when you are just going to have to leave it up to outstanding factors. You can not control everything in life. Nor should anyone. It is the unexpected things that happen to us can be an amazing experience (or if negative) a brilliant chance to learn something new about yourself. 

I’ve had a lot of negative experiences in my life, and I’ve felt shitty about them/because of them for nearly over 2 decades. But I can feel my perception on the past events slowly changing – in a positive way. And I love it. I can not change what has happened to me but I CAN change how I learn from it and move on. 

The journey isn’t always going to be a positive one but the outcome of it can lead to an incredibly hopeful and better destination than you could ever imagine. 

That is something that I believe in more and more. The more positivity I am feeling surrounding my negative experiences the more I believe in the above statement. It comes and goes in waves. An eophinany can happen overnight but for me and my anxious ways it takes a lot more than an ephifanay to change a my old perceptions. 

Anyways I digress… now that I have closure on that chapter I can now firmly focus on enjoying another journey and create several other destinations for me to work towards. 

I said out loud to a potential tinder date that I would like to be my own boss… and tbh that was the first time I’d said that out loud before… to anyone let alone to a stranger. 

But as soon as I typed it and hit send I realised yeah… that IS a destination I CAN super focus on… cause the variables are up to ME.

Does that mean I can rely on myself to never let me down? Hell no.

Does that mean I’ll stop applying for jobs to focus on this self made boss business? Again fuck no. 

I still need a job. I still need money to help me pay my bills and help fund my shopping addiction (which has slowed right the way down so I can make my last pay last me for 2 months.)

I feel enjoying the journey and having several destinations are equally important and also when you’ve reached one of your destinations you’ve then got other ones to obtain and the journey to them will hopefully create new destinations.

Life is for learning, people and experiencing.

Lets keep moving forward and trying to soak it all up as much as we can.

Thanks for reading as always lovelies 

 

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