Fashion,  Lifestyle

Should the best defence really be an offence?



Overcoat: Zara, summer sale find. Similar here.

Cardigan: Miss Selfridge, old. Similar here.

Dress: Next

Boots: Zara, old. Alternative here.

Scarf: Present. Alternative here.

Photographer: Connull Drummond

This is following from my previous post. The best defence/is offence mentality is so ingrained in us that we don’t even realise that we are even doing it. 


By that I mean we do it before we even realise. The thoughts zip across our mind before we can even fully register it; that is what we are even doing.

As I’ve said in the previous post Why am I a no make up blogger? This mentality, of putting others down to make one feel better, is so ingrained  into our psyche that I doubt we are even aware that it is happening. 

Everyone has done it at a PERIOD in their life. I do not need to say at least one time because everyone has done it several times.

According to studies this type of mentality is related to low self esteem. (Or in other words it is related to hidden prejudices being revealed.)

It is without a doubt the fastest and easiest way to make yourself feel instantly better … aside from that chocolate, a bubble bath or some drink tends to help as well. This is usually met with a dose of putting down someone else to make yourself feel better.

I know for a fact that is my favourite activity to do when I am trying to feel better about a bfs ex… (that is what I mean by everyone doing it. For instances like that I don’t think it’s a bad thing.. not necessary mentally healthy but not an awful thing.)

However when it gets to the point where you go out of your way to actively put others down to  make yourself feel better – that I don’t agree with. 

And by this I mean trolling, bullying, isolating etc. 

These kind of activities just highlight how ingrained this best defence is a strong offence business actually is. 

Bullying will always happen. Due to that mentality. In my opinion. The study I mentioned above shows that the compulsion to kick others while you’re down is a distraction method.

Rather than face whatever it is that is bringing them down they lash out on someone else that they consider an easy target. (Sometimes this ends up being close friends or family.)

Is this right?

Of course not.

Does it happen? 


Should it happen? 

In most simplest terms. No.

But the likelihood of it happening is very, very likely. 

It just when it happens too damn often  and nothing changes that you should not accept that. The above mentality can be useful for some situations, i.e like the feeling better about a stunning ex situation – I just tell myself they must have ugly personalties, that usually makes me feel amazing ahaha – 

But that is hardest factor to determine. What is the line? How do you stop yourself from doing it? 

Is it even possible to fight against that mentality? Could the reason why its so interwoven into our society is because it is a necessity?


















When I first started to write this blog I wanted to go on a rant about how wrong I feel this is… I had it all thought out… how this thought process is redundant… how this whole mentality needs to somehow reset itself and miraculously change. 

How this type of mentality holds absolutely no value. Just pushes forward negativity and glorifies it as funny, or whitty or ‘being real’. 

Which it does (negative part/glorifying it) and definitely doesn’t not (the ‘being real’ part.)

But sometimes negativity has a place.

That place should be a stop gap one. A temporary place to go to when it’s needed. Like staying in a hostel for a period of time rather than buying a home and acquiring a mortgage. 

Should it be a place you need to set up home and saturate yourself in?

Hell nah. 

Just because putting others down can be a fast way to make yourself feel better doesn’t mean it SHOULD be a tool you use all the time.

That just ends up make  yourself all knotted and twisted. When your self esteem is directly linked to putting others down then your going to end up in a very lonely and disappointing place.


If your self worth is being consistently upped by putting others down then that can be so a dangerous game to place. This puts the focus on what should be on bettering yourself/potentially changing how you view yourself onto others.

This incredibly hinders your self development and stops you from growing as a person and prospering.

Shifting the focus outward is never a good investment of time when shifting it inward can be so rewarding.

Again this view is situational to how you perceive yourself and your surroundings.

 You could be in the most nurturing environment in the world but find no validation within yourself to build upon (yet) or you could be in the most tortuous environment but find validation in something that others would consider minor.

 Like I have said many many times before I can never seem to see things as black and white… but different shades of grey.

I like to see the good and bad in almost all situations. Because that capability is necessary for when you can’t change things but have to adapt and accept. 

What do you think?

Thanks for reading!

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