This is quoted from Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell. An educational youtube channel that Jack introduced me to. Loneliness is part of your biology – this is linked to our basic instinct to go into groups to survive. But does it have to be?
What is Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell all about and how did I find out about it?
At first glance it looked like a fun, school friendly educational youtube channel explaining complex issues/thoughts/ideas in a simple and aesthetically pleasing manner.
Which, as you can see from the screen shoot of their about page below, it is! (Love it when your first impression on something is accurate! 🙂 )
Jack and I were hanging out in my room, talking about nothing in particular, well in all honestly I can’t remember the specifics of our conversations but knowing us it was probably something sexual or mushy, So yep I don’t want to go into specifics!
Anyways Jack likes to put up youtube videos on random stuff that I wouldn’t even think about looking up, which is quite fun cause I like to discover new things.
This started from his curiosity about why he hates Pop music so much – someone that I can’t remember the name of did a video on the science behind why Pop music isn’t popular with everyone – and it then lead to him putting on a Kurzgesagt video on people inhabiting the planet Mars and how hard/long it would be to do. (That video is very interesting as well… if you have the time check it out here.)
I loved the graphics, how they animated the information and how easy it was to understand.
I like to learn new things but anything to do with physics or science – while interesting – mind-boggles me! I find them quite confusing and hard to comprehend.
Jack mentioned how the Kurzgesagt latest video upload was on ‘Loneliness’ and he was reluctant to watch it…which caught my attention. Why? Well the answer is threefold.
- Loneliness is something that has been on my mind recently – cause I’ve been off work ill – trying to get better and I’ve spent a lot of time in bed. And not conversing with a lot of people. Thankfully it hasn’t been too bad cause Jack has been here to keep me company.
- If I didn’t have Jack would I just be lonely cause I would be alone? Probably… ah hell who am I kidding? Of course I would! I don’t like being on my own for long periods of time.
- And this got me thinking about my old blog post I did called “I’m an Extroverted Introvert…” where I talk about where I recharge myself and why I am bit of both; I like my ‘me’ time but I also like to be around people.
So yeah… thats why I wanted to write about Kurzegesagt’s loneliness video. Whenever a topic sticks in my mind and then leads to other trains of thought that is when I know I need to write about it.
“When loneliness becomes chronic your brain goes into self preservation mode and sees danger everywhere.”
This is something that I am very familiar with.
I have often said that I don’t make friends easily as people often confuse me. Which comes as a surprise to most people I meet. I come across as confident which I’ve come to slowly accept as apart of me. I don’t think of myself as particularly confident but the older am getting the more I realise that I probably am, I just don’t give myself enough credit!
This (Kurzegesagt’s Loneliness) video has made me realise that what I thought was self awareness could actually be my brain going into overdrive and seeing danger everywhere.
I don’t want to give too much away because I really want yous to watch the video yourselves and come up with your own conclusions -but loneliness and feeling lonely can lead to the brain misinterpreting social exchanges as being mostly negative when in fact it could be neutral or even positive!
Although I have had several unfortunate circumstances where I have felt isolated or loneliness through social interactions. Some through a kind of social punishment of me voicing my unpopular opinions and some through reasons I’ll never know or understand.
I half want to put myself out there – try new things on my own and expand my friendship group into different interests. For instance I really want to go back to Pole dancing for years. Originally I wanted to go back with an old uni friend, JB, she said she wanted to start it with me. Which I got excited about – but we don’t speak anymore. So thinking of just going on my own again and then meeting potential new group of friends there.
Anyways I went off tangent! I half want to put myself out there but then when I do I get super nervous about coming across as a dick or overbearing because I am easily excited… and go very TMI. So then even though am out and about I go back into my shell.
The above quote from the video highlights how your own skewed perception can enable the loneliness in a way. If you are constantly seeing danger signs everyone you’ll become overly protective of yourself and come across as stand-offish or erratic.
I say erratic because I feel like that is how I come across – one minute am very into a situation and easily excited – the next minute I am AOL for a bit – not because I don’t want to talk to people – but because I don’t want to be a nuisance or I don’t know how to just chill out with folk.
GET THE LOOK
Can chronic loneliness be cured?
Kurzegesagt’s Loneliness video goes into the different solutions to this problem. And the reasons behind why it is an important epidemic that needs to be addressed and helped.
I think loneliness and feeling lonely can, ironically, be helped initially on by yourself and finding solace in your own company first.
If you are constantly looking for outside sources of happiness then you’ll never be comfortable enough in yourself to sustain them properly, when you do come across sources of friendships, partnerships or relationships.
This is my personal opinion – everyone is different and everyone recharges in different ways. I have found that this way, for me, is better.
This might be a weird opinion to have… how can you cure your loneliness on you own? Isn’t the reason why your lonely is because you are alone?
You are not lonely because you’re alone. You’re lonely because you are seeking validation out-with yourself or you don’t feel comfortable on your own or you need to discover your self worth. There are numerous reasons why you’re not lonely because you’re alone. It depends on who you are so they differ greatly.
Its important to discover which one it is cause then it could change how you perceive my opinion – I personally found that I felt lonely when I looked for validation in others rather than in myself.
There are numerous activities that I prefer to do alone. Even love doing on my own.
Do I want company doing these activities?
Do I mind if someone wants to join me?
Of course not. I would never actively dissuade people from joining me.
I’ve found that the more I concentrated on myself, my side projects – like my blog, my fitness, my meal prepping etc – that I didn’t feel lonely.
Because I was busy bettering myself.
Of feeling worthy in myself and in my body, what I have around me and what I’ve worked hard for.
This concentration on myself and what I want faded a little bit when I met Jack because I then shifted my focus about to accommodate him into my life. But it was because of that concentration on myself that I didn’t feel lonely and now that I’ve got Jack that lonely feeling is particularly non existent.
Not because I have Jack in my life, but because I was already beginning to find my own validation in myself, by myself. He has just happened to come along at the right time.
Of course this solo validation can only go so far – once you’ve completed that hurdle I find its then good to expand and try new activities. I’d like to think that when I start new stuff solo that I’ll be in a better position to make need friends because I have acquired that solid base in myself.
No one wants to be around people that are desperate for friends (which I have been in the past… massive anxious loser-y weirdo here! ahaha), it puts too much pressure on it that doesn’t need to be there. Or in fact should be there for new friendships.
Kurzegesagt’s Loneliness video is amazing. Check it out and let me know what you think! Or if you have a fave Kurzegesagt video then let me know what it is and share the knowledge.
Jack shows me a lot of new things and I love that. I always like discovering new things and educating myself.
I think that being alone doesn’t mean your lonely. Feeling lonely means you’re lonely. Long exposure to that lonely feeling can result in your brain misinterpreting social situations as purely negative when in fact they could be neutral or even positive! Don’t let your mind skew a situation or stress yourself out unnecessarily.
The cure? To find happiness in yourself first and then expand to others. Or if you can’t then dip your toes into new activities and try not to be too in your face about making friends (trust me I did/sometimes still do this a lot – its not particularly appealing to others lol)
What do you think the cure for loneliness is?
Let me know!
Thanks for reading as always lovelies.