And has been for a month. The reasons behind my unintentional blogging hiatus and why I am so happy I went on my 30th holiday with my maw.
Where have you been?
I honestly don’t know. Well I do, in my flat, living my life. Doing a classic ostrich, as in head in the sand procastination.
I’ve been feeling all over the place with anxiety, worry and just practical reasons – I had no one free to photograph me.
I promised myself that I would keep up with my weekly posts. To have it fall so drastically short it was honestly so frustrating for me.
I was so determined to keep up my weekly posts. I was so happy that I was keeping it up and working hard to keep up that consistency. That when a few of my friends commented that some of my blog posts were boring I was beginning to reevaluate myself and what I am putting out there.
Who wants to be boring? Who wants to work so hard to produce all this content, loosing sleep to produce content that people find boring. Not me. I don’t want to bore people.
I want the content that I produce to be beautiful, to be honest, to show case who I am, flaws and all. But I also want it to be useful and eye opening for others out there who are like me and trying to find purpose within.
But then I want to be my authentic self and I was thinking… what happens if my authentic self IS boring?
That self doubt was eating away at me and I kind of just buried my head in the sand and thought I could just postpone it until now.
It wasn’t until Jack told me he was looking for my latest blog post, his concern at me not blogging, not writing and not producing content touched me.
He was so gentle and for Jack – my boyfriend who hates social media, who hates getting his photo taken or technology not only finds an interest in my blogging but actively encourages me?
That meant a lot.
Which lead to another thought. What happens if there are others out there that are wondering about me? I know I don’t have the biggest following, I know that I don’t write the most beautifully – like Chole Plumstead, she honestly writes like a dream – but I love every comment I get. I love every genuine reader that looks at my page.
SO… I can’t let those people down. Whether its one or one hundred.
I need to keep it up.
So basically this is a thank you to Jack for reminding me that I am no procastinator. That I may trip and fall, but I get back up and I keep going.
Now that we are all caught up on my unintentional hiatus and thanks to Jack’s comment on where have my blogs gone? I am back and ready to rumble.
A month ago I went on my 30th Holiday I went away to Benidorm to a really lovely all inclusive hotel with my maw!
Feelings towards those that go on holiday’s with their maw/parents…
The general response to when I told folks I was going away for my 30th birthday holiday with my mum were a chorus of glassy stares followed by extended grins with a generic “ah well that’ll be nice!”
You could feel the social judgement happening. The oh wow thats kinda sad that your going on holiday with your mum still and not massive party holidays away getting drunk and looking glam, which does sound like fun. And I’d be up for that but its just not really me.
This again could be my self deprecation talking, or my paranoia about how I come across or multiple number of other internal struggles that I face battling me, myself and my inner demons.
Or as Rupaul would say ‘self saboteur’ .
But in all honesty after that statement I always felt the need to follow up with an explanation, a justification as to WHY I was going on holiday with my maw. Not just because we are close and get along, that can’t be the only reason. There just had to be a list of factors to induce this outcome.
I read an article on the Grazia blogs called “In Defence Of Going on Holiday with Your Parents” by Clare Finney that encapsulated the above interactions perfectly:
“After a short, awkward silence in which my social shortcomings are thus implicitly acknowledged.”
Which I feel explains it perfectly.
Social shortcomings explains it to a T. I have never been one of the popular girls, or one of the girls that would have over a thousand likes on instagram or over a thousand friends on facebook.
I’ve come to realise that am too annoying or intense to be that type of person. Which isn’t meant to be a self deprecating comment. I want it to be a self awareness aspect for me. That yeah you (you as in me, this is my internal monologue! ahaha) can be annoying, yeah you can be a bit intense. Life isn’t always about serious heart to hearts, its about the laughter and the lighter moments as well.
Basically I didn’t feel ‘cool’ going on holiday with my mum. But did I feel comfortable and excited?
There are general reasons why going on holiday with your parents or if your a single parent household with your mum/dad which I had a fun time reading in this BT Blog 7 reasons to go on holiday with your parents as an adult – and 7 reasons not to.
My friends that know me, and know how anxious I get, how awkward I am in full-on 24 hour social situations, how scared I get and know how comfortable my mum and I are together they were genuinely excited for me to go away and to see our holiday away and what we were up too.
Cause to be honest my close friends have met my mum and think she’s awesome. Which she is.
I wanted to just go away and have a chilled out, relaxing and glam holiday away.
Do nothing but eat, sunbathe and do some fun Benidorm activities when I could be bothered.
And thats exactly what I did! 😀
GET THE LOOK
Why were you happy to go on holiday with your mum for your 30th?
Because I wanted to relax.
I didn’t want to worry about social obligations and I can be my quiet introverted self. Mum knows there are times when I don’t want to talk. Not because I’m angry or I want to be anti social but just because I want to be in my thoughts. In my own head.
I quite like having my alone time. As I explained previously in my blog post I’m an Extroverted Introvert. But the thought of going on holiday on my own just gave me the fear.
In all honesty mum got me this 30th holiday trip for me and Jack. But cause he couldn’t (and still hasn’t) got his passport sorted mum asked me who else I wanted to go with and I asked her.
Which was so much fun. I hardly drank when we were out because now that I’m thirty the hangovers are horrible. They now last up to 2-3 days later. And plus for me, being hungover in a warm place is honestly my idea of hell.
I hate being too hot when am feeling sick.
It was also thanks to mum’s recommendation that we saw the Drag Queen comedy gig – Levi’s. Which was hilarious. Although we made sure to sit at the back cause she was reading the front rows to filth! No one was safe.
We even sat at the back adjacent to a pillar. The pillar was blocking us enough that we wouldn’t be overly noticed but not soo much that we couldn’t see anything.
So yeah I was really happy I went away with mum. She’s not long into her new job so I knew she needed some time off. The time to chill as well so we got to both relax together.
Folks judge you for going on a 30th holiday with your mum.
But not the ones that know how cool your mum is and how we are.
I am a nervous, anxious wreck when am in social situations 24/7 when am uncomfortable around folk.
So in my 30s I want to relax, chill and be merry.
My mum is pretty damn cool.
Jack was meant to go with me but he still hasn’t got his passport sorted.
And it was thanks to him that I took my head out of the sand. That I started to get back into it again.
Thanks for reading lovelies and for waiting for my ramblings to return.
Please let me know if there is anything you want me to talk about in the up coming posts! I m already planning ahead so let me know!