I have many post 30th thoughts, I mean its me so yeah I have a few. But more than that I have feelings that are really hard to categorise as thoughts because they so jumbled up…
Why write about this?
Reading over my blog post before my 30th, called The Count down is on… I was so excited, nervous.
There were so many factors that I was stressing over – one of them being having a party and people not showing up when they said they would without contact. Which, unfortunately, did end up happening.
The general overview I got from reading my own post is strange. I just had this image formulating in my mind of a jittery, excited chipmunk speeding through a monologue.
I know its a strange thought to have when one is reading over ones post but I couldn’t help it. Sometimes thinking very visually can be a little weird, once an image forms it just attaches itself to whatever I am reading.
Upsides of being Dyslexic I guess!
Getting back to chipmunk reference; That nervous energy that happens just before a change that you’re partly excited for and partly scared of the implications, of the death of something else.
It could be because of the magnitude of turning 30 or it could be because that is just who I am in general.
I think it’s a bit of both.
I wanted to write this post because I was on a night out not that long ago and a new friend, SG, asked me what it feels like to be 30. And I couldn’t really answer. Then my mind jumped to what 30 things have I learned in my 30 years?
So hence why I’ve wrote a post 30th thought post!
My Post 30th thoughts…
Are a blank. Because what is formulating post 30th isn’t exactly thoughts. As I spoke about before.
It is a feeling. A new feeling that is part elation, liberation and, my dear old friend, anxiety.
There is a steel resolve that I had felt formulating for some time. An iron clad self resolve and an awareness that keeps that anxiety levels at a medium or minimum now.
Honestly before my anxiety levels would get so bad that I would feel sick with worry, that I would need to go to the toilet just to cope. To be alone for a bit just so I could recharge my batteries and be ‘normal’ again.
I put ‘normal’ in quotes because I can not say I’ve ever been the generic ‘normal’. I meant to get back to my version of normal.
I didn’t want to fight the panicking sick feeling in the pit of my stomach after stumbling into a social faux pax in front of everyone.
I thankfully haven’t had that sickening feeling in a while. It has subsided, replaced with this pillar or inner resolve.
That doesn’t mean I don’t get these panicky moments when I say something totally weird or intense. Because I do.
I say a lot of weird shit – another issue with having no filter.
I now just get a few minutes of heart thudding panic were I weigh up the ramifications of what I just said and calm myself down.
Which trust me is a lot better than trying to stop yourself from being sick, then panicking about feeling sick, then feeling shitty for feeling ill.
Then trying to explain to folk why I was being sick due to panicking over saying something stupid and being sick with over thinking it. Or hoping no one would notice, but then feel lonely cause no one cared to ask.
GET THE LOOK
My top 30 personal lessons that I’ve learnt…
1. We must love ourselves.
We all have stuff about ourselves that we love, and some that we hate. But we have to love ourselves in order the treat ourselves better. I wish I could say it better than Rupaul but I can’t;
‘If you can’t love yourself how the hell you gonna love somebody else?’
2. There is strength in love, and you can not love fully without strength.
This is how I feel. This is why I have wanted a tattoo on my wrist of the kanji ‘love’ symbol on my left and the kanji symbol of ‘strength’ on my right. Because you need both, to do both completely.
3. Empathy is important.
There are ways to empathise and understand everyone better. Which is quite rare these days. Empathy is hard cause theres a balance between empathy and letting it overwhelm you!
4. Don’t take on more than you can handle.
Even though I feel being empathic is a plus it can be draining. When you understand how someone is feeling, can feel their pain and suffering then you want to do as much as you can to help them. But sometimes you just can’t. Sometimes they have to do it themselves and sometimes you need to put yourself first.
5. Actions speak louder than words.
People can change, people can say all the things you want to hear. But if they don’t back it up with the actions to prove this. Then they are just telling you really pretty words, without any substance.
6. You need to know where you line is, and find the point before that. So it doesn’t break you.
Everyone has something that they know there is no going back. There is a line that no one can cross, cause they know it would break you. It would shatter you to your core.
Well, know the line before that. Have that be your moment to let go of toxic people, toxic situations so you don’t need to be broken again.
7. Situations aren’t always black and white.
Situations are never clear cut, it is important to understand that both sides of the story can overlap. I am not sure if this is a good lesson to learn because sometimes folk need a reality check – which can be hard when you understand where they are coming from. It’s brilliant when trying to mediate situations.
8. It’s all about perspective.
Elenor Roosevelt is the first to come to mind about this life lesson;
‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’
Or Jinx Monsoon said it best on Rupaul;
‘words can not hurt you, only your perception of those words.’
9. Self awareness and self development are always on going.
I am learning more about myself every year.
And that is because I want to. I don’t mean you should change yourself. But being aware of who you are and what makes you tick is on-going and amazing to do. The aspects that I don’t like about myself I am working on.
10. People aren’t gonna like you.
And thats okay. It doesn’t mean your horrible, it just means they aren’t your people. Which is hard to accept especially when you’re being unliked for just being you.
But that is going to happen, and it’s a hard fact that the sooner it gets accepted the better. Less worry for yourself.
11. Jealousy is an ugly emotion.
It is inevitable. Jealousy is a leech. It can suck out all the positivity out of you. And it can zap you of your strength.
It can be all consuming, and it can be a lovely distraction when you feel so shit about yourself. But in the end it just destroys you.
12. You can choose your family.
Blood doesn’t necessary mean you owe them undying loyalty. Just because they are family doesn’t mean it gives them the right to treat you like shit and you have to take it.
I could be saying this because I am adopted, but I am also saying this because sometimes people do deserve to be given chances, and some don’t.
Sometimes you can, and do, find family in your friends.
13. Being told I was adopted since I was little was the best thing.
If anyone is ever thinking about adopting. And unsure when to broach this subject, don’t wait until later.
Don’t wait until it has significance to make the person feel lied too.
Mum told me since I was little I was adopted. I didn’t think anything more about the meaning behind the word until I was forced to ask her. I go into it more in “Where are you from..?” How I feel about being adopted post.
But I think it was the best way to go about it.
14. Good people can do bad things and Bad people can do good things – knowing the difference is important.
Very, very much so. The second lot do not deserve a chance to get back into your life to hurt you. They treat you bad and then when you get a nugget of good you hold onto to that one thing for ages in hopes they repeat it again to validate your excuses to stay through the bad times.
The first person does deserve a chance or two or three, because they are good people that have made some bad decisions.
It is so hard to tell the difference. But it is an important one that you will learn to see in time. A lesson you will be learning for the rest of your life, pending on how many people come and go.
15. Have no, or as little, ‘what if’ moments as possible.
I was talking with VB and she said it best. She’d rather try something and think right, now thats not for me and move on. Rather than sit and wonder what if?
What if I had just done that? Would my life be better? Would it be different?
Trying something and finding out it isn’t for you isn’t a failure. It is an opportunity to put your energy into other ventures that will be a better fit.
16. It’s okay to cry.
When I feel overwhelmed I have a good cry. I am actually quite a big cryer. I do it, a lot.
After I do I feel sooooo much better. I am a big believer in when things go wrong you should own that emotion. Own it, express it and then move on when you feel spent.
17. Re charging and self care are important.
Its important to re-charge and show yourself some self care rituals. Everyone recharges differently so you need to find your own.
18. Create your own goals
Do not create goals based on what others want for you. You need create your own goals and purposes to stay motivated.
19. Motivation and drive is key.
This can fade and come back. I find that happens to me a lot. And I used to feel down about it. I used to punish myself for falling off my own motivation/drive course.
And even though it is key, its okay for it to lull a little bit so long as it comes back! Or if you can keep the drive going then even better for you.
20. You need to be your own cheerleader.
There will be times when you feel like life has shat on you, kicked you in the gut, ran over you and set you on fire. Those times when you feel like you just want to give up, on all your hard work, on your productivity, on your goals you’ve set for yourself.
Instead do number 17, or anything else you find helps relieve your stress. Do it. And then pick yourself back up.
21. Share honestly and openly with friends/family.
You can go to friends to help you, and they will but at the end of the day you need to cheer yourself up too. Which sounds a little lonely, but can also be empowering.
22.Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely.
The title says it all. This life lesson makes me think of Robin Williams quote;
‘I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.’
23. Looking at the past to help you with your future.
If you notice you’re in a vicious cycle of subconscious self destruction then looking back to help you break it is necessary. And often painful. This is when therapy would be a good opportunity to take up on.
24. Stay curious, educate yourself.
I find curiosity is a good thing to have. Whats the point if you can’t learn something new? There are always exciting new techniques or stories or new categories to learn or focus on. Curiosity did not necessary kill the cat, it was the lack of learning from it.
25. Cut out toxic people.
Never easy to do. But another necessity. Sometimes you need to do the cutting or sometimes you’re cut.
26. Change is important, but never done smoothly.
When you want to improve yourself, and have that goal. It will be hard. Some people resent it, some people don’t understand it.
27. Tenacity is an amazing quality to have.
This is something that has got me through so many tough times. After I have a good cry I get stuck in. Stuck into projects, into my work, or into anything.
28. Have a few close friends is better than having a huge group.
Took me a long time to learn this one. I used to wish I was that girl who had huge groups of friends, that would go on ibiza holidays and go to all the cool clubs, with group of 30+ friends. But that isn’t me. My mum always says that having a small group of true friends is always better. And I agree.
29. Skincare routines are a god send. Start this young and it helps.
Some people say I look 20, some say I look 25, but either way it’s still younger than 30 and I like to think it’s because of this. Mum told me since I was 19 to have a skincare routine, which I didn’t do religiously because I didn’t see the point. But when I hit 25 I thought I’d better and I think that’s why my skin looks good.
30. Being kind has a ripple effect.
I talk about this in my Random Act of Kindness post. The guy that showed me that said he did it as his good deed for the day and I thought yes. That is amazing. Kindness spreads and you never know how it can help a person.
Life is about learning, continuously.
Love is important, but so is taking care of yourself and know yourself.
You never know what life is going to throw at you. And its okay to feel down and express your negative emotions. But don’t let them overwhelm you.
Be your own cheerleader, take the time to recharge yourself, better yourself and to love yourself.
Hope this has helped anyone. And I’d love to hear some of your life lessons?
Thanks for reading as always lovelies.